The North Sea Nullification
by Daedaleopsis
Summary: Leonard thought a simple apology was enough when he tampered with Sheldon's monopole experiment. How will he react when someone interferes with his own research?
1. Chapter 1

The North Atlantic Nullification

A/N: I don't hate Leonard. Really, I don't. I just don't like him very much either. In many ways, his character seems to represent an idea more than being fleshed out as an actual person. He is a caricature of a "nerd", and the writers and producers of the show seem to think that automatically makes him an underdog. Continuing on that theme, the show artificially realizes Leonard's dreams of having a successful career and a "hot" girlfriend (not necessarily the order in which he would prioritize them). I stopped consistently watching TBBT around season 5 because I began to feel the show had lost its spark. TPTB fell back on tired clichés and juvenile pranks. The characters' lives progressed as if they had grown as people, but they still continued the mocking and snide remarks and juvenile practical jokes, making it highly unbelievable that these guys would ever get girlfriends at all, let alone one of them get married. I especially found the relationship between Leonard and Penny unbelievable. Most of the time that we see the two of them alone, they're in bed together. I just wasn't seeing any romance or attraction besides half-drunken hook-ups. That does not a relationship make, people. And I'm not the only one who noted how Penny seems to drink a lot more whenever she is dating Leonard. On top of that, I feel the actors themselves, Kaley Cuoco and Johnny Galecki, looked bored in scenes of the two of them together. Not their fault, of course, when the writers don't give their characters much reason to be together other than fulfilling their own adolescent fantasies of loser-guy-somehow-gets-hot-girlfriend. And that's what Penny has become: a two-dimensional character who is basically arm candy for Leonard, whose relationship seems to hinge on sex which she implies is mediocre at best. She is a young woman approaching thirty whose life goals are to make just enough money to buy shoes and booze, then self-medicate with said booze until she can stand to be around the boyfriend who will eventually marry her and keep her supplied with her panacea of choice for the rest of her life. Gah. If you disagree with what I've just said, go read someone else's fanfic. So, now that I've got that off my chest, on with the story.

Chapter 1

There was a surprisingly boisterous party going on aboard a certain research vessel floating in the North Atlantic Sea. The group of assorted scientists had the music cranked all the way up—no neighbors to complain about the volume—and red Solo cups full of cheap beer and good vodka were passed around freely. Several couples were making out in isolated corners, and one tipsy researcher was tastelessly showing everyone topless pictures of his girlfriend, probably trying to prove to them that he actually had a girlfriend.

In one of the upper decks, another tipsy couple was looking for some privacy. The young woman laughingly pulled her companion by the hand down the hallway, protesting that someone might hear them. Finally, she stopped in front of a door.

"This one," she said. "It's perfect."

She pulled an ID badge out of her bra with a wicked grin and slid it through the black strip at the side of the door. The lock opened with a flashing green light and a merry beep, and the girl squealed with delight as they stumbled inside. She grabbed the man by his shirt front and shoved him up against some machinery.

"Oops," she giggled, as certain pieces of equipment crashed to the ground.

"Doesn't matter," the man slurred as he tried to unhook her bra.

Then she tipped over the plastic cup that was still in her hand. Unfortunately, her drink spilled over the laptop sitting open on the counter. She jumped up, cursing quietly. "We're not really supposed to be in here," she moaned. "What if we get in trouble?"

She looked around. "Quick, go grab some paper towels from the bathroom. We'll clean this mess up."

The young man did as he was told. As soon as he had left the room, the girl quickly leaped into action, all signs of drunkenness gone. She rummaged through drawers until she found what she was looking for: a set of flash drives. Slipping them in her pocket, she then turned her attention to the laptop. She noted with satisfaction that the unit wouldn't power on. As her companion re-entered the room, she helped him wipe up the spilled beer.

"All right, let's get out of here before someone sees us," she whispered.

"Sure. Do you want to go back to my room?" he asked.

"You know, I'm really not in the mood anymore," she scowled and left the man drunk and confused in the hallway. She made her way back up onto the deck where she furtively tossed the flash drives over the rail into the churning waves.

Dr. Leonard Hofstadter woke up with a pounding headache the following morning. His hangover was exacerbated by the tossing of the ship over the rough seas. He couldn't remember much of the party last night, but he hoped he hadn't done anything too embarrassing. As he made his way to the mess hall, he got some nods of approval from some of his male shipmates, and a few glares from the women. Puzzled, he reached into his pocket for a handkerchief to wipe his glasses and instead pulled out…oh. Now he was starting to understand the looks he had been getting. He had a vague memory of showing his friends—and everyone was his friend last night—that screen-capture photo of Penny topless. As always, he felt a frisson of guilt, and he quickly tucked the photo away. Leonard was sure Penny wouldn't mind if he had a sexy picture of her, especially while they were apart. But the truth was that Howard had found that still of Penny online the very first day they had met her. Later that night, after Howard and Raj had gone home and Sheldon was asleep, Leonard had printed out a copy. She had starred in many of his fantasies long before they had started dating. He couldn't give his photo up, but he also didn't want Penny to find out how he had gotten it, or exactly how long it had been in his possession.

After several cups of coffee and some reconstituted eggs, Leonard felt well enough to get back to his research. He hoped that last night's readings would provide a good set of data, although it was impossible to know for sure until he returned to Caltech in a few more weeks and started analyzing his data with one of the university's supercomputers. Two decks down, Leonard arrived at his lab and opened that nondescript door with a swipe of his key card. As he entered the room, he had a nagging sense that something was wrong. Scanning the room, he noticed that his laser array had been knocked over. He frowned. That hadn't happened before, even in the choppiest weather. It was about that time that the singular smell of stale beer began to register in his tired brain. He turned around slowly, spotting the wad of saturated paper towels in the trash can. What had happened here last night? It took him a few more minutes to discover that there was still a puddle of spilled beer underneath his laptop. Leonard bit back a scream of frustration as he found out that his laptop was indeed fried.

"All right, okay; it's not the end of the world," he muttered under his breath. He could probably scavenge an extra laptop off of one of his fellow scientists. He just needed to reload some software, and then he would be up and running again in a day or less. As he thought about his data, he opened the drawer where he kept all of his results backed up on flash drives. The drawer was empty.

Two hours later, the lab was in a complete shambles, as was Leonard's cabin. His data was gone, just… gone. Someone must have taken it, he realized. Maybe someone was playing a practical joke on him. Well, in his opinion, the joke had been taken too far. At one point he had actually broken down and sobbed at the thought of losing his data—something he would never admit to another living being. But now he was fed up. As a thought struck him, a slow smile spread across his face. He knew how he could find out who was responsible, and once he did, he would make sure to get back at them in an equally nasty fashion.


	2. Chapter 2

"Dr. Townsend? Are you sure? There has to be some sort of mistake." Leonard squinted through his thick lenses at the screen.

"No mistake, Dr. Hofstadter. The key card that was used to access your lab last night-actually early this morning, at 12:47am-is registered to Marcus Townsend." The first mate pointed to the corresponding line on the display screen.

The physicist was back to feeling confused again. Dr. Townsend was somewhat of a joke to the other researchers. He was seventy if he was a day, and was more likely to be found napping in a quiet corner somewhere than conducting any research. None of the other scientists had any idea how he had finagled his way onto the prestigious Hawking research team, or why he had any desire to spend four months on a ship in the North Atlantic. Leonard straightened and thanked the first mate as he strode away. The only way to get to the bottom of this was to find Dr. Townsend and talk to him.

After spending the better part of an hour hunting for him, Leonard finally found the frail elderly man sleeping in one of the below-decks lounges. He cleared his throat loudly. No response. Calling the man's name was equally fruitless. Finally, Leonard put his hand on the old man's shoulder and shook him awake. Dr. Townsend cried out in surprise and stared wordlessly at Leonard.

_Great_, thought Leonard, _now I feel like a complete jerk for waking him up._ Once he had explained what he wanted, the elderly scientist sat blinking at him for several minutes.

"I've never been to your lab, sonny," the old man quavered. "I don't even know who you are."

"I'm Dr. Leonard Hofstadter," he repeated in frustration, "and your key card was used to break into my lab last night. Someone knocked over my lasers, spilled beer on my laptop, and stole my flash drives."

Dr. Townsend snorted. "You think I was the one who did that? My partying days are far behind me. I went to bed early last night."

Leonard bit back the sarcastic report that was on the tip of his tongue about why the old man needed to go to bed early when he seemed to do nothing but sleep all day.

"Did someone ask to borrow your key card?" Leonard persisted.

"No," Dr. Townsend replied, shaking his head slowly, "but one of the crew members handed it back to me this morning. He said he had found it in one of the hallways and figured I must have dropped it."

Leonard sat on the edge of his bunk, dejected. The key card trail had been a dead end. Getting drunk again was sounding more and more like a viable course of action. The only other thing he could do would be to go around asking all the other scientists if they had happened to see a bunch of missing flash drives. Naturally, doing so would make him look irresponsible, not to mention a towering idiot. Then a flash of inspiration hit him. He would call Penny. While of course there was nothing she could do to help him find his missing data, it would cheer him up to talk to her.

Penny answered the satellite phone call wearing her Cheesecake Factory uniform. "Leonard, hi!" she chirped with a big smile. "I wasn't expecting to hear from you again so soon. Hey, just gimme a minute to text my manager to let her know I'll be late, and then we can talk." She quickly sent the message, and then asked, "So what's up?"

Leonard quickly filled her in on how his day had been going.

"Oh, that's too bad, sweetie," she commiserated. "Can you get another computer and re-do your experiment thingy?"

"The computer's not the problem; it's the missing data. Without it, my results will be inconclusive. It's like this whole trip will be for nothing," he whined.

"Well, that sucks. I don't want you to go away for another four months. I miss you," Penny said with a cute little pout.

For once, Leonard was not charmed by his girlfriend's ignorance. "Penny, you don't understand. I'm not going to get another chance like this. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I can't blow it! I've got to find that data. If I don't, I'll be the laughingstock of the scientific community!" Leonard was so worked up he was almost yelling now, forgetting about the need for discretion in his agitation.

Penny frowned in concentration. "So… someone messed up your experiment... maybe on purpose, maybe by accident. You won't have a second chance at this, so it's really important for your career that you get good results from your experiment, right?"

"Yeah… yeah, that's about it," Leonard mumbled dejectedly.

"So what would you do if you found out someone had deliberately screwed up your project?" she asked slowly.

Leonard paled. "I can't imagine why anyone would do that to me. I mean, practical jokes are sort of par-for-the-course, but if someone purposely compromised my results, that's way out of line. It's not only unprofessional, it's unethical. Their professional reputation would be ruined. Once the word got out, they'd be lucky to get a job teaching at a community college."

Penny stared at the screen for a long time, her face frozen in shock.

"What's wrong, Penny?" her boyfriend finally asked, feeling a little nervous.

"Leonard, how is that any different than what you did to Sheldon, _deliberately_, when you were up at the North Pole?" she whispered, horrified. She remembered now, how much she had missed Leonard when he had left her all alone to go to the Arctic with Sheldon, Raj and Howard. When he returned with her beautiful snowflake necklace, she had been so thrilled. Hearing about how he, Howard and Raj had messed with Sheldon's experiment hadn't made a very big impression on her at the time, although she had insisted they apologize. But now, she saw their actions in a very different light. Unprofessional? Unethical? Never working at a university again? Those were Leonard's words, and her mind was reeling with the implications.

"That… that was completely different," her boyfriend blustered. "Penny, you know how crazy Sheldon gets. It was a matter of survival."

"And what would have happened if Sheldon reported you to Gablehauser?" Penny demanded.

"Oh, come on, it was just a joke. Sheldon wouldn't do that to us; he's our friend," Leonard protested.

"But _you_ would do that to him and just expect him to suck it up? Ruin a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, make him a 'laughingstock of the scientific community'? And just because you think he's nuts? Leonard, that wasn't news to any of you! You all knew _exactly_ what Sheldon was like before you left!" Penny yelled.

"You know, I don't like the way this conversation is going. You're my girlfriend; you're supposed to take my side," Leonard said belligerently.

Penny's jaw dropped. She was so furious at his abrupt shift in tactics that she was literally speechless, although her face reddened impressively. When she finally found her voice, she hissed, "Well, maybe that part about my being your girlfriend needs to change, Leonard." And with that, the screen went black as Penny ended the connection and stormed off to work.

After Penny hung up on him, Leonard found himself waffling between rage at the way she had treated him and depression because his girlfriend hadn't stood up for him. It was almost midnight in the north Atlantic, and so he flung himself down on his bunk and tried to sleep. Maybe tomorrow, some solution would present itself.

A/N:

For any of my readers who have read the troll's comments in the reviews section and are feeling a bit confused, I'm about to explain how an experiment works. (I have conducted independent research. It was peer-reviewed and published. I'm fairly certain that I have a solid understanding of how an experiment is conducted.) So here goes. An experiment is set up to prove or disprove a hypothesis. You make a logical guess about how you think something works, then you set your experiment up in such a way that you control _every variable _but the one which will determine your hypothesis.

In Sheldon's case, he had indeed accounted for every _scientific_ variable in his experiment. If he had discovered a naturally-occurring variable that he hadn't been able to account for in the first experiment, the next step would be to repeat the experiment, this time factoring in and precisely controlling that other variable. This is fairly common in scientific research, but it has the unfortunate result of giving an inconclusive first experiment, leading one's paper to end with the dreaded phrase, "further investigation is required". Basically, when you say that, you are admitting that you didn't prove anything, but with more time and money to run more experiments, maybe you could in the future.

If Sheldon's friends hadn't used the can opener to give him a false positive, then that's how his published findings would have concluded. If the NSF or some other organization was sufficiently impressed by his research, he might have received additional grants (money) to run more experiments. The only variable that he wasn't able to control was the immature actions of his friends. Yes, Sheldon did email everyone he knew prematurely, before the final analysis of his data was complete. But who can blame him? He thought he was finally realizing his lifelong dream. How would fans of the show react if Penny got a real acting role and was told by friends that she was winning an Emmy for it, only to find out that her friends had deceived her? If Penny called all her friends and family to see her in a small role on NCIS, imagine how much more excited she would be if she thought she was winning a major award. That's exactly what TPTB did to Sheldon.

Finally, the writers of the show have Leonard say to Sheldon that he still has his original data and can publish those results. (The writers are wrong to have Leonard say this, and this is not the only technical mistake in the show.) This could never happen for two reasons. First, Sheldon's data had been tampered with. He had no way of proving that _some_ of his data was uncorrupted; all of it was now suspect. It would be like saying a gallon of milk smells bad, but maybe it's not _all_ spoiled. It just doesn't work that way. Secondly, once Sheldon was forced to retract his statement that his experiment had proved string theory, his results, based on the data he did have, would never be trusted. He would have only further eroded his reputation in the scientific community if he had then tried to claim a completely different conclusion based on the same data set-and again, there was no way to separate the "good" data from the "bad".

And by the way, isn't it interesting that the troll's rant has nothing to do with anything I've said in the story so far? Apparently, they didn't bother reading any further than my two-sentence summary.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

In the morning, Leonard got out of bed, groggy from a poor night's sleep. He hadn't come up with any good ideas, so he decided to start making a few quiet inquiries about his missing flash drives. He found Eric and Omar, a couple of his shipmates that he had befriended, in the cafeteria. When he explained what had happened, they seemed genuinely shocked, but promised to keep an eye out for his drives. Leonard talked to a few more people with similar negative results. Finally, feeling discouraged, he headed for his lab. He still held out a fragile hope that perhaps his flash drives were still in the lab, overlooked in yesterday's panicked search. Even if they didn't turn up, it would look very odd for him to completely stop conducting his research. Like a sprinter who had stumbled and fallen in the last lap, he still had to continue to the end, even if there was no hope of victory.

Several hours later, the short bespectacled physicist slipped out of his lab, closing the door wearily behind him. The equipment was up and running again, his laser arrays precisely aligned and feeding data to a borrowed desktop computer. It was the best he could do for the moment.

He trudged back to his room, feeling like all he wanted to do was sleep… maybe for several days. He had only been lying across his bed for a few minutes, though, when there was a soft tap on his door and an unfamiliar female voice called his name. Curious, Leonard opened his door to find a petite brunette, her hair pulled back in a long ponytail, standing in the hallway. He recognized her as one of the lowly research assistants, although he didn't know her name.

"I'm Dr. Hofstadter," he replied warily.

"Dr. Hofstadter, may I come in? I heard about your… predicament, and I think I might have some useful information for you."

At this, Leonard perked up and waved her into his room with his most winning smile. "Please, sit down, er… miss…?" He trailed off uncertainly.

"It's Cara Brinkmann," she offered with a smile. "No 'doctor' in front of my name yet, but I'm working on it."

Leonard waved her toward the room's only chair and then sat down on the edge of the bed. "Now that we have some privacy, what can you tell me about my data?" he asked, leaning forward eagerly.

She wrinkled up her nose as she thought for a moment. "I need to start by telling you a story. It's relevant, I promise," she added as he looked confused.

"All right, go ahead then," he said magnanimously.

"Have you ever been to Appalachia, Dr. Hofstadter?" she asked. He shook his head. "Well, it's where I grew up," she said. "I lived in one of the poorest counties in the tri-state area. My mom's house didn't have heat, just a kerosene stove in the winter. Our neighbors had a hole in their living room floor that they couldn't afford to fix… just to give you some idea of what it was like."

"Our local school system had some of the lowest standardized test scores in the country. Every so often, some private group or government agency would come in and try to help, but it's hard to fight so much poverty. Well, when I was in fifth grade, we had a guest lecturer at our school. He was only a few years older than me, but he had already completed a bachelor's and a master's degree. He was on his way overseas to begin a doctoral candidacy, but in order to do so, he needed money for his living expenses. That was where this organization called The Future of America came in. They offered him a substantial scholarship if he would complete a series of educational lectures in some of the worst-rated schools in the county."

She made a wry face. "It was actually a terrible idea. He rushed through a presentation on particle physics that was way beyond anything any of those kids could understand. He stared at his notes and didn't lift his head once the entire time, and the students were talking so much I could barely hear him. It didn't really matter to me what he said, though, it was what he did. I could hear that southern twang in his voice, and I knew that somehow, he was like me. And somehow, he had found a way out, and that was when I began to believe that I could too."

Leonard gaped at her. "Sheldon… you're talking about Sheldon Cooper, aren't you?"

She nodded and continued. "After the lecture, most of the kids burst out of the assembly hall like someone had shot them from a cannon, but I stayed. I pushed my way to the front, and I gathered up my nerve and asked him how he had done it. You see, I got hundreds on all my math tests, and perfect scores on the standardized ones, too. I'd worked my way through all the high school textbooks that I borrowed from our library. Problem was, my grades in the other subjects—English, history, social studies—were barely average, so I was never approved to move up a grade. And our school just couldn't afford enrichment classes; they could hardly pay the regular teachers' salaries. I explained all this to Sheldon and asked his advice. He said I should look into a charter school. I told him we didn't have any in the area. He looked thoughtful, and then he asked what my name was. Once I had told him, he just turned around and walked off. I was crushed. I thought he had just totally blew me off. So I went back to my classroom and tried to forget about it."

"The next day, my homeroom teacher, Mrs. Wesner, sent me to the principal's office. I wasn't sure why I was there. I didn't think I'd done anything that bad. When I got there, the principal handed me a standardized test and asked if I wouldn't mind filling it out in the office. When I finished and gave it back, he looked at me kind of funny and told me I could go back to class. A couple of days later, the same thing happened, only that test was much harder."

"One day the following week, Mrs. Wesner told me to stay after school. After last period, she sent me down to the principal's office once more, only this time my mom was there, sitting across from the principal's desk, wearing her best dress. I took one look at her and got scared. I asked her if I was in trouble. She told me it was just the opposite, that I was so good at math that I deserved to go to a special school. Then the principal looked at me and asked why I never told anyone how good I was at math. I told him that until recently, I didn't think that it mattered. He looked at me and said, 'You talked to Mr. Cooper, didn't you?' I nodded, and he said, 'Well, he came and talked to me too.' Then he told me that if I wanted, I could start attending a charter school the next county over. It would mean a long bus ride, he told me-as if that made any difference to me. I was so happy; I jumped up, hugged my mom and begged her to let me go. She told me nothing could stop me. But none of it would ever have happened if it weren't for Sheldon Cooper."

Leonard cleared his throat. "Well, that certainly is an interesting story. But what the hell does that have to do with my missing data?" he whined.

"I'm getting to that part," Cara said calmly. "Well, I wrote a thank you note to Sheldon Cooper, but we didn't keep in touch or anything. By the time I was settled in my new school, he was starting his doctoral studies in Germany. But he was like a hero to me. I felt like he rescued me and gave me a second chance. So I followed news of his career. I read every article he published, even though I could barely understand what they were about. And then I heard something strange. Something about how he had made a complete fool of himself on some big NSF research trip and wasted a huge grant. That just didn't make sense to me, so I looked into it a little further. The more I investigated, the stranger the story got. The one thing I knew for sure about Dr. Cooper was how intelligent and single-minded he was. I finally got my break-through when I got a phone interview with Dr. Koothrapali. I pretended to be a Galveston reporter doing a local interest piece on Dr. Cooper."

Leonard made a strangled noise when she mentioned Raj's name.

"As I found out, Dr. Koothrapali can't talk to women unless he drinks. Since we had pre-arranged the conference call by email, he was already tipsy by the time we started talking. In his eagerness to inform me exactly how odd Dr. Cooper was, he let slip several crucial pieces of information. One: that you, he and Howard were all friends with Dr. Cooper. Two: that Dr. Cooper invited you, his friends, along on his research trip instead of other scientists who were doing relevant work in the field of slow-moving monopoles. The expedition was funded by an NSF grant which Dr. Cooper's brilliant proposal had secured."

Cara leaned forward suddenly, her dark eyes boring into Leonard's face. "Now, let's put that information from Dr. Koothrapali alongside some general knowledge and see what conclusions we can draw. Your expedition was out on the polar ice shelf. You camped out in a tent, and you had to supply your own electricity for your instruments via gas-powered generators. Only the most vital equipment ran on electricity. Everything else should have been solar- or battery-powered, with the strange exception of one electric can opener. Bringing such a device would have been a waste of space and resources. Do you know how many electrical devices on the market today operate at the exact same frequency as Dr. Cooper's equipment? I do; it's 0.13 percent. The odds of your having a can opener that ran at that precise frequency are rather low, Hofstadter. Combine that with the irrationality of bringing an electric can opener on an Arctic expedition in the first place, along with your documented professional jealousy of Dr. Cooper—courtesy of a certain YouTube video—and you have a pretty damning case."

Leonard's face had completely drained of color. "You... you can't prove anything," he faltered.

A wicked smile curved her lips. "I don't have to," she purred. "All I have to do is to send that information to your supervisors and let them decide for themselves."

"And my data?" Leonard gasped. "What did you do to my data?"

"Ah yes, Hofstadter, now we come to the heart of the matter. In your eyes, it's still all about you, isn't it? Never mind that you stabbed your best friend in the back. You really do think you can do no wrong, don't you? Well, you may be the main character of _your_ life story, but I can guarantee you, you are no hero."

"Where are my flash drives?" he yelled, forgetting to keep his voice down.

"Gone," she replied simply. "They're somewhere on the bottom of the ocean."

"No!" Leonard gasped in shock, but her calm expression didn't change. Slowly the magnitude of his situation percolated into his brain.

"You're insane," he accused.

Cara ignored his comment and went on. "Now, here's how things are going to go. You have two choices. Your first option is to go home with an inexplicably failed experiment. You'll lose face within the scientific community, and it will set your career back a number of years... exactly as you did to Dr. Cooper. In this scenario, as long as you play fair, you'll never see or hear from me again."

"And the other option?" Leonard asked weakly.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "If you breathe a word of this to anyone, if anyone gets the idea that your experiment failed due to any other reason than your own incompetence, then your past will come back to bite you in the ass. I've written letters detailing your sabotage of Dr. Cooper's Arctic expedition. Open your mouth, and those letters go to your department head, your friends Koothrapali and Wolowitz, Dr. Cooper, and also to your girlfriend. Both Dr. Cooper and your girlfriend will find out exactly what kind of person you really are, and your friends will know that _you _were the one who got them fired. Also, those letters will be sent if you try to harm Dr. Cooper's reputation again in any way, or if you try to get back at me or interfere with my career."

Leonard gaped at her, dumbstruck. His mind raced as he tried frantically to find a loophole, a way to somehow salvage this situation, but in his shock and panic, nothing was coming to mind. Finally, he nodded shakily. She seemed to take this as a sign of his comprehension and agreement, and left without another word.

As the door closed behind her, Leonard ran his fingers through his hair. "Why does everything bad always have to happen to me?" he moaned.

A/N: I have a younger sister who used to say "Why does everything bad always have to happen to me?" whenever anything in her life went wrong. Couldn't resist using those self-centered, entitled words here to describe Leonard's world view. (Yes, I love my sister. And now that she's in her thirties, she's finally started to grow up a little. If only Leonard would do the same.)


	4. Chapter 4

Under ordinary circumstances, Leonard would have called Penny right away so she could commiserate with him and make him feel better. But after their last conversation, he thought it would be best if he gave her some time to cool off.

After another night's sleep, Leonard had come up with a plan. It was a little risky, but he thought he could pull it off with some help. He was frustrated that he would have to wait until he was back home to implement his plan, but he could wait. Practically the only thing he could think about now was humiliating Cara the way that she had done to him.

So Leonard monitored his pointless data, gave trite replies to his shipmates' concerned queries, and bided his time. He emailed Penny several times, and tried to call her as well, but he was unable to reach her. He was starting to get really angry at the way she was treating him as well, but he wouldn't be able to address that issue either until he got home to Pasadena.

Two weeks later, Leonard finally touched down on California soil after a ten-hour flight from Nova Scotia. He was physically exhausted, but inside, he was fueled by a burning passion for revenge. Raj and Howard picked him up from the airport. He could tell from the worried glances they exchanged that they thought he might be upset. What they didn't know was that he was already far beyond upset. Leonard was furious, but in a cold, calculating way that he had never experienced before. The need to take back control of his life drove out all other lesser emotions. He crashed at his place, informing Howard that he needed to speak with him privately and soon.

Although Leonard hadn't seen Sheldon the night before, he hadn't been surprised at that. He had gotten home past Sheldon's bed time, and so it would have been quite unusual for Sheldon to break routine. However, when he woke up the next morning, it was a Saturday, and Sheldon was sitting in his spot, eating his cold cereal and watching Doctor Who like always. They exchanged a few pleasantries. Leonard even thought that Sheldon might have been happy to see him, but with Sheldon, he thought, who could tell?

Leonard dressed and drove over to Howard and Bernadette's apartment. The skinny engineer answered the door and informed Leonard that Bernie liked to sleep in on the weekends, so they would have some privacy to talk.

Leonard quickly outlined what he had in mind: email mining, some minor changes to a university database, a little phone tapping. Howard listened without interrupting, but his eyes grew larger with each new item Leonard proposed.

"So who is this Cara Brinkmann, and what did she ever do to you?" Howard asked.

Leonard shook his head angrily. "It doesn't matter. All you need to know is that she deserves everything she has coming to her and more."

Howard sat in an armchair, across from Leonard who was sitting on the couch. Howard had his elbows propped on the arm rests, with his fingers steepled together. He looked like a Yiddish sensei, Leonard thought, but he found no humor in the thought.

Howard cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable. "Look, Leonard, I think I know why you're really here," he began awkwardly. "I'm flattered, I guess, that you came to me. You know that Raj, Sheldon and I think the world of Penny... well, Sheldon, I'm not so sure about, but when he thought he would have to drop one of us to be friends with Kripke, Penny wasn't the one he would have cut out of his life. Penny's not any sort of nerd or geek, but she is amazingly understanding with us. She's kind and genuine, and we all love her."

He met Leonard's gaze briefly, then looked away again. "I used to be that guy, the guy who pretends to be hot stuff, while inside I was just pathetic and lonely. It took me a long time to realize that it was better to have a real relationship with one good woman, than a bunch of one-night stands with strangers who were just as desperate and lonely as I was. Now I could be wrong, but it looks to me-to all of us-that you have something pretty great with Penny, and I'd hate to see you throw it all away for someone you just met."

"I told you, it's not like that!" Leonard yelled.

Howard started and looked around anxiously. "Hey, keep your voice down. Trust me, you do_ not _want to wake up Bernadette this early. She'd kill us both."

"Fine. I didn't sleep with this Cara, and I didn't cheat on Penny."

"Then what on earth are you doing messing with this girl like this?"

"I already said, I can't tell you," Leonard growled. "Look, are you my friend or not, Howard?"

Howard sighed, fidgeting nervously in his seat. "All right, fine, I'll do it. But there'd better be a really good reason you're doing this."

Leonard left Howard's place, feeling much better now that his plan was finally set in motion. The next step was to smooth things over with Penny. Leonard drove back to 2311 North Robles, stopping on the way to pick up some flowers at a supermart. He headed straight for Penny's apartment and knocked on the door. Penny must have been awake for a while, since she was dressed and answered the door promptly.

"Leonard, hi," she said awkwardly. There was no trace of warmth in her voice.

Leonard thrust the flowers into her hands. "These are for you, Penny. May I come in?"

"Yeah, sure. We really need to talk."

Penny took the flowers and scrounged around in her cabinets for a vase.

"So, um, I know you were upset about what happened, but I hope you've had time to put it in perspective," Leonard began. "That thing with Sheldon was a long time ago, and we all apologized for it."

"Because I made you," Penny cut in indignantly.

"Because I knew I'd made a mistake," he countered.

Penny gave up on finding a vase and stuffed the flowers in a pitcher. She ran the tap and put a few inches of water in the bottom of the pitcher to give herself time to think before she answered.

"I think the real issue that needs to be addressed here is why you weren't more supportive of me," Leonard continued. "I mean, I love you, but I don't feel like you really love me."

At his words, Penny turned around and stared in amazement at Leonard. Was he really trying to pin all his mistakes on her and make this out to be her fault? After a split second's reflection, she realized that not only was that exactly what he was doing, but that it was a pattern to which he resorted whenever he had a problem: blame someone else.

"I can't believe I'm hearing this," she spluttered. "How can you possibly be trying to saddle any of this on me? I don't know what happened with your experiment, but I know for sure what happened to Sheldon's because you _told_ me, as if it weren't even a big deal."

"Look, Sheldon's an anal-retentive, crazy bastard who got what was coming to him. But I've bent myself over backwards for you in this relationship, and I think I have a right to expect that you support me and are on my side."

Penny shook her head in disbelief. "Leonard, what the hell is wrong with you? I thought Sheldon was your best friend. And I _have _supported you. Remember when I showed up to your work function in that slutty dress because you hoped it would help you get tenure? What about all the evening shifts I gave up at the Cheesecake Factory so we could spend time together?"

"Oh, come on, Penny, like it's some big sacrifice for you to give up time at the Cheesecake Factory? That's not a real job. You're just stringing me along until you realize that your so-called acting career is a joke, and then we'll get married, and I'm sure you'll never want to work again. Well, maybe I don't want you sponging off me for the rest of my life. I could do better, you know. Priya was a lawyer."

Penny let out a shriek of outrage. "Leonard Hofstadter, if this is your idea of an apology, then it's the worst one I ever heard. You know what? I'm through with you. You never believed in me. You think I'm just some loser because I don't have a college degree. Then why in the hell did you ever go out with me?"

"Because you're easy!" He snarled. "I knew that if I could get you to go out with me, that the only thing you'd have to contribute to the relationship was sex, and I was right! That's the only thing you're good for!"

Penny gasped, wounded to the core. Then she hauled back and punched Leonard right in the nose, putting all her body weight behind it. He screamed and clapped his hands to his face.

"My nose! I think you broke my nose!"

"Good!" she growled, fists still up by her face and ready for action. "Now get the hell out of my apartment before I break something else!"

Hundreds of miles away, Cara Brinkmann received the phone call that she was half-expecting. A friend who worked in IT had been monitoring her email and a number of other online sources. He called her right away when he noticed the alerts for signs of tampering.

"Whoever this guy is, he's pretty good. He tried to piggyback onto the NSA phone monitoring system so he could listen in on all your phone calls. That's the first thing I disabled, of course. He's good, but I'm better."

"My guess is that he asked his friend Howard Wolowitz to help him with the computer stuff. Hofstadter's not really a computer geek."

"You mean Wolowizard? Yeah, I've seen some of his work. Not bad... for an amateur."

"That Hofstadter is such a piece of work. He basically asked his friend to shoot himself in the foot. I'm guessing there's no way Wolowitz would have agreed to help if he knew the real story."

"Well, he will soon, right?"

Cara sighed. "Yeah. I have some letters to mail. I feel kinda bad for his friends, but they need to know what he's capable of, what he's really like. If they still want to be his friends after that, that's _their _problem."


	5. Chapter 5

Penny knocked on Sheldon's door. Normally, she just barged in, but she was feeling unsure about what she had to say to Sheldon. Maybe if he didn't answer, she could just turn around and go huddle under her covers. On the other hand, this was the only time she could be sure of speaking to Sheldon privately, having heard Leonard storm noisily down the stairs not long ago.

The door opened, interrupting her train of thought. Sheldon stood there in one of his double-layered shirts, with a small smile hovering around the corners of his mouth.

"Penny! You knocked-what an unexpected surprise. Please come in."

She walked through the open door and turned to face Sheldon. "There's something I need to talk to you about, in private. Leonard's not here, is he?" she asked. She wanted to make sure they were alone.

"No, I haven't seen him since rather early this morning. Have a seat." Sheldon gestured toward one end of the leather sofa, sitting down in his usual place at the other end.

"Sheldon, I need to talk to you about the time the four of you went to the North Pole."

He looked both surprised and a little wary, but naturally, the first thing to come out of his mouth was a correction. "Technically, we were near the magnetic north pole, not-"

"Okay, all right, can I just say the Arctic?" Penny cut in.

"I suppose," Sheldon conceded.

"Look, Leonard told me he thought someone had messed up his experiment while he was on the ship."

"That's news to me," Sheldon said with a frown. "I wonder why he didn't say anything? In fact, I was surprised that he didn't contact me at all in the past couple of weeks. I assumed that he was busy concluding his research."

"Well, he told me about it, and then we got into a big fight. He said some really awful things to me. I... I actually punched him, so clearly we're not together anymore. But I didn't actually come here to talk about that. I wanted to ask you what happened after you came back from the Arctic."

"You know what happened. I went home to my mother, and then I came back here after Leonard, Raj and Howard apologized."

"But what I mean is, how did it affect you, coming back with a failed experiment?"

"Well, first of all, it would hardly have affected me if I had merely failed to confirm string theory with my monopole experiment. The real humiliation came from my friends falsifying my data, causing me to erroneously proclaim to the scientific community at large that I had proven string theory. I expected to win the Nobel Prize for my research. Instead, I became the laughingstock of the physics world."

"Do you think it affected your career?"

"Of course it did. I have noted a 236% increase in the number of denied grant applications, not to mention no longer having preferential access to the supercomputer."

"So how can you still be friends with Leonard, Raj and Howard, knowing what they did?"

"Well, I never really had any friends as a child. I simply told myself that I didn't need any, that they would merely get in the way of my pursuit of the Nobel Prize. Living here in Pasadena was the first time I ever had people in my life that I would consider friends. That they treat me the way the rest of the world treats me is hardly surprising; the thing that perplexes me is how often they _do_ tolerate me."

Penny frowned at this. Sure, Sheldon could be a real pain sometimes, but she hated to think that the rest of the group had convinced him that he deserved no better than their mocking insults and grudging inclusion.

"Sheldon, Leonard said that if you told the department heads at Caltech what really happened with your experiment, that they might have lost their jobs. Is that true?"

Sheldon looked pensive for a moment. "It is possible, although it's more likely that they would have been issued an official sanction by the university."

"What does that mean?"

"Very little, actually. It is merely a formal statement from the university expressing disapproval of their actions."

Penny was silent for a moment. Then she slid across the couch until she was sitting close to Sheldon. "I want to give you a hug, sweetie; is that okay?" Before he could open his mouth to protest, she had wrapped her arms around his thin frame and held on to him tightly for a few seconds. When she dropped her arms and leaned back, he could see she had tears in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Sheldon. I can't fix the past. I can't put your career back to the way it should be. And I can't give you better friends. But I want you to know how much I hate it that people hurt you and act like you don't have feelings. I know you better than that. And I'm sorry for all those times I've done the same and haven't been a very good friend. I promise, from now on, I'll do better."

"Would being a better friend include maintaining higher standards of cleanliness in your apartment?"

"To be honest, Sheldon... no. What it does mean is that I promise to stop calling you Shelbot and making fun of you. That's not how real friends behave, and I want you to have at least one person you can consider a real friend."

He peered thoughtfully at her for a moment, and Penny wondered what was going on in that big beautiful mind of his.

But "Thank you, Penny," was all he said.


	6. Chapter 6

Three days later, Penny received a package in the mail. She had been making excuses to avoiding spending time with the group because she didn't want to face Leonard. She was still really angry at him for the manipulative pseudo-apology he had tried to offer her, and the horribly insulting things he said. She did, however, invite Sheldon over for dinner and cooked spaghetti with hot dog slices.

Penny opened the thick envelope curiously. The name on the return address meant nothing to her, and she didn't remember ordering anything off eBay lately. She pulled out a sheaf of papers and looked at them in bewilderment. They appeared to be printouts of emails and text messages. She saw the names Hofstadter, Koothrapali, Wolowitz and Cooper. Confused, Penny checked the label on the envelope for the second time, wondering if she had received something meant for one of her neighbors instead. But yes, it was addressed to her, so she sat down on the sofa and started reading.

Ten minutes later, she was fuming over what she had read, and she had only gotten through a portion of the material. The email transcripts contained proof that Leonard had planned to sabotage Sheldon's experiment long before they reached the Arctic Circle. He had contacted over two dozen small appliance manufacturers, looking for some machine that operated at a specific frequency. There were emails back and forth between Leonard and Howard, discussing how to undermine Sheldon's experiment. It had been Howard's idea to use the can opener to not just sabotage the experiment, but to create a false positive in the data.

The last few pages were the ones that really made her see red. They were copies of emails between Leonard and some scientist named Vincent Schaefer. Leonard had contacted Schaefer to find out if he could purchase a preserved snowflake. As she read the ensuing discussion, Penny learned that the Arctic Circle received less than six inches of precipitation a year. The odds of Leonard bringing back an actual snowflake from the North Pole were infinitesimally small, so he had just hedged his bets and bought one ahead of time. Schaefer had asked if Leonard's girlfriend knew that the Arctic ice cap was technically a desert. When Leonard said no, the other scientist commented, "Well then, she must be really hot." Leonard's reply was, "You have no idea. I've been trying to hook up with her for ages, and I think this will finally seal the deal."

Seething, Penny stomped across the hallway and yanked open the door, ready to tear Leonard a new one, or perhaps give him a second black eye. Instead, she found Sheldon in the middle of packing: not clothes, as if he were going away for a few days, but his collectibles. Sheldon was moving out.

He glanced up at her and looked away. "I see you also received an anonymous informational bomb in the mail."

"You got one, too? Who sent them?" Penny asked, brought up short by Sheldon's announcement.

"Does it matter? I accessed Leonard's personal password-encrypted files on his computer. The corroborating evidence is all there."

"You can do that?"

He gave her a condescending look. "I have an IQ of 187. I can do anything but grant myself superpowers... or apparently, find trustworthy friends." He turned his back and began swathing another action figure in bubble wrap.

Penny crossed over to Sheldon's desk where she could see a thick sheaf of papers lying on top of a manila envelope. She looked through them. The information that he had received duplicated hers in some respects, but not all of the transcripts were the same. His packet contained phone conversations between Leonard and Amy, brainstorming ways to coax Sheldon into a more physical relationship. She sighed; she couldn't blame Amy for wanting "a normal boyfriend", as Amy put it, but she also understood how Sheldon would see it as a betrayal. Amy hadn't respected his boundaries, and she had also put her own desires ahead of his.

"Sheldon, why are you moving out, anyway?" Penny asked, turning back to him. "It's your name on the lease. I think you ought to kick the little homunculus to the curb."

Sheldon straightened, looking at her with a dawning respect. "You know, I believe you have a valid point," he said, raising one eyebrow. He stared at the model of the city of Kandor that he was holding in his hands. Deliberately, he unwrapped the glass dome and carefully positioned it back on the shelf.

"Do you think anyone else we know has gotten one of these envelopes?" Penny asked.

Sheldon thought for a moment. "Well, his circle of friends is limited. He doesn't spend a substantial amount of time with many people besides Howard, Raj, you and myself. The transcripts clearly indicate that Howard was part of the Arctic conspiracy, although I suspect Raj's part was due to his inability to stand up to peer pressure. Over the past couple of years, we have been amicable colleagues and have learned to work productively together."

"And what about his boss, Gablehauser?"

Sheldon's face went slack with shock as he calculated the implications. "Caltech has recently launched a new marketing campaign touting their pre-eminence in the sciences. They specifically highlighted the research which is currently being conducted within the physics department. If word got out that one of their researchers had willfully interfered with another's project, it would be a disaster for the university. I estimate that if our anonymous friend has sent a similar package to Gablehauser, that Leonard has less than a ten percent chance of remaining employed."

Penny was stunned. "Should we do something? Warn him, maybe?" she asked. Maybe she didn't want to be dating him anymore, but she still had some feelings for him, and she didn't want to see him get fired.

Sheldon shook his head slowly. "When I first met Leonard, he very nearly betrayed military secrets on an experimental fuel to a North Korean spy. In retrospect, perhaps I should not have intervened, but let events run their course. Perhaps I merely delayed the inevitable. Leonard's poor life decisions have led him to the place he is today, and it is not our responsibility to save him from the consequences of his actions."


	7. Chapter 7

So here it is, the chapter you've all been waiting for...

Leonard straightened his tie as he walked down the corridor towards President Seibert's office. He was perspiring heavily, something that a few paper towels in the men's room had been unable to ameliorate. There were a limited number of reasons that the president of the university would want to meet with him, and most of the scenarios that he ran through his head were pretty grim. Still, he did his best to hold his head high and project an aura of self-assurance, although privately, he felt he was failing miserably.

Siebert's secretary, a capable-looking woman in her forties, immediately ushered him into the president's office when he arrived. As Leonard entered the room, he saw that Dr. Gablehauser was there as well. His heart sank, but he tried to keep a confident grin on his face as he held out his hand to Seibert. The administrator did not reach out to take Leonard's hand.

"Have a seat, Dr. Hofstadter," he ordered.

The color drained from the physicist's face as he did as he was ordered.

"Hofstadter, I have received some very serious allegations concerning your professional integrity," Seibert began. He pushed several pages across the desk toward Leonard, who grew hot and then cold as he looked at the documents. There were copies of the emails that he and Howard had exchanged discussing how to falsify Sheldon's data. He saw the emails that he had written to the small appliance manufacturers, inquiring about a piece of equipment that operated on a specific frequency. Things were looking pretty bad for Leonard, but he had been working for Caltech for over ten years. Maybe he could bluster through this with just a slap on the wrist.

"President Seibert, you don't understand. This was just a practical joke that got a little out of hand. You know how intolerable Dr. Cooper is. We just wanted to knock him down a few pegs, that's all. Besides, it was a matter of survival."

Seibert had steepled his hands, listening impassively as Leonard spoke. At those last words, he raised an eyebrow and asked, "Survival?"

"Yeah, I mean, Shel-Dr. Cooper has a reputation all over campus for being an arrogant, nitpicking, crazy bastard. You've met him. Honestly, could you stand being cooped up in a tent with him for four months? I couldn't pass up the opportunity his research presented, but I needed a contingency plan in case he didn't get the results he wanted. Believe it or not, when you see him at the departmental social functions, he's trying to put his best foot forward. You have no idea how unbearable he is when he's in a bad mood."

The president exchanged a glance with Gablehauser. "So you must have thought his research was promising, if you were willing to put up being trapped in an enclosed space with Cooper for months."

"Well, there's no question that he's brilliant, but he's also insufferable."

Seibert nodded, and Leonard felt a wave of relief. If the president sympathized with him, then chances were he would get off with just a reprimand, or maybe an official sanction, which would have very little effect on his job except to delay his getting tenure. He could live with that. After all, he was moving up in the world. Hadn't Stephen Hawking, the greatest physicist alive today, hand-picked him to go on his latest research expedition? Surely, that would outweigh a childish prank that had occurred a few years ago.

"Isn't it true, Dr. Hofstadter, that you and Dr. Cooper are roommates?"

Leonard was broken out of his self-congratulatory reverie. "Oh, um, yeah, that's right."

"In fact, I believe that you and Dr. Cooper have lived under the same roof for almost ten years," Gablehauser contributed.

"Well, yeah, but-"

"So if you truly find living with Dr. Cooper so intolerable, especially in confined spaces, then how can you explain the fact that you seem to have done just that for many years?"

Leonard stammered incoherently.

"I am also aware that you, Dr. Cooper, Dr. Koothrapali, and Mr. Wolowitz eat lunch together in the cafeteria every day, and several of your colleagues attest to the fact that the four of you spend a lot of time together outside of work. When Cooper chose his research team, he chose the men he thought were his friends, instead of qualified researchers doing work in the field of monopoles. It seems to me that you were happy to ride Dr. Cooper's coattails if he was successful, but you had no qualms about stabbing him in the back when it was clear there was nothing for you to gain. Does that about sum it up, Hofstadter?"

"It... it was just a joke," Leonard protested feebly.

Seibert stood, shaking his head. "Dr. Hofstadter, Caltech is one of the premier research facilities in the nation. There are any number of physicists who would be happy to fill your position. And thanks to your unprofessional and unethical behavior, a more deserving candidate _will _get that opportunity. You're fired. Clear out your office; I want you gone by the end of the day."

Gablehauser stood and grasped him by the elbow. "Let's go," he ordered in a tone that brooked no interference and escorted a disbelieving Leonard out of the president's office for the last time.

Leonard left the campus and drove home in a daze. When he arrived at his apartment, he set a box of books and mementos down on the coffee table. Looking around, he saw reminders of Sheldon everywhere-his desk, his collectibles, his Batman cookie jar. Suddenly, all of his frustration welled up within him. With a cry of rage, Leonard swept Sheldon's desk clean with a sweep of his arm. The desktop computer landed with a satisfying crash. Panting, Leonard turned his attention to Sheldon's beloved action figures, throwing them to the ground and trampling on them. He yanked armfuls of books off the bookshelf and shattered the DNA model. Finally, he pulled out every single one of Sheldon's whiteboards and stomped on them until they snapped in half. He was so consumed by his destructive rampage that he didn't hear the front door open softly and then close again.

Penny waited across the hall, leaning with her ear against the door. Under any other circumstances, she would have gone over and yelled at Leonard, but she had never seen him this way. She hardly recognized him, his face had been so transformed with rage. So instead, she waited until she heard Leonard storming down the stairs. Then, she tiptoed over the apartment 4A and opened the door. She gasped at the level of destruction. As she stepped into the living room, she felt a sharp pain along the arch of her bare foot. Looking down, she saw that she had stepped on a curved shard of glass from one of the bell jars Sheldon used to protect his more valuable collectibles. Grimacing, she pulled the jagged piece of glass out of her foot. She stared at the bloody fragment in her hand for a moment, then tossed it contemptuously on the floor. She limped back to her apartment, leaving trail of dark red blood spots, as she went to make some phone calls.


	8. Chapter 8

Sheldon glumly surveyed the wreckage of his apartment. The damage to his collectibles alone represented a loss of thousands of dollars, not to mention the years spent finding and collecting each piece, all of which had a special meaning to him. Penny opened the door and entered, this time wearing sneakers. Her heart broke as she looked at the damage her erstwhile boyfriend had caused.

"I think you need to call the police," she said, as she came over to Sheldon's side.

"Police?" he echoed blankly.

_Oh, this was bad_, Penny thought. She had never heard Sheldon sound so lost, so uncertain.

"I'm sure you have insurance on all your comic books and figurines, but you have to file a police report before the insurance company can process your claim. Yeah, my brother's stupid meth-head friends broke into our house once... same deal."

"No. No police," he said after a long pregnant pause.

"Sweetie, I really think you have to. I mean, look at this mess... all your things. He has to pay for what he's done."

Sheldon sank down onto his spot on the leather sofa, running his hands through his hair.

"My father..." he began.

Penny circled the couch and sat down beside him. "What about your father?" she prompted.

"He... he hit my mother sometimes, when he was drunk," he said in a low voice, the Texas twang deepening in his voice. "I asked my momma once why she didn't have him arrested. She said the good Lord wants us to forgive. I didn't agree with her, but I was just a kid. When I had the chance to go away to college, I left and didn't look back. He drank himself to death a few years later. He may not have been a very good father, but he was the only one I had. I realized later that if my momma had called the police, that there are good memories I have of my father that I'd be missing. Like when he taught me how to shoot a rifle, or when we watched football together. He didn't understand me, but in his own way, he tried."

"Sweetie, Leonard's _not_ your father," Penny said, her throat tight with unshed tears.

"I know. He may not be a very good best friend, but he's the only one I've got."

Penny cried at that. She hated that Sheldon felt so beaten down and broken that he couldn't confront Leonard, couldn't even face the fact that Leonard was no longer his friend.

"I don't think he's your friend anymore, but I am," she whispered, hugging him. He sat hunched over, arms wrapped tightly around his torso. He tolerated the hug, neither returning it nor pushing her away. Finally, she let go and straightened up.

"Come on, sweetie, let's get your stuff packed up. Who knows when Leonard is going to come back."

Sheldon nodded mechanically. He had accepted Penny's offer to let him crash at her place, as well as store all of his comic books and other valuables which Leonard had overlooked in his rampage. He seemed to be in a state of shock and didn't protest as the blonde barged in to his bedroom, armed with boxes and duffle bags. Swiftly, Penny emptied the neatly-folded contents of Sheldon's dresser into a couple of boxes, then finished packing all the rest of his personal belongings. The rest of his furniture would stay there, and hopefully, Leonard would not come back and destroy that too.

She shook her head sadly. Ever since Leonard had found out about his missing data, it was like he was possessed. She felt like she didn't even know him anymore. In a way, it made this whole situation easier for her to deal with. This wasn't _her_ Leonard, the one she had slowly fallen for over the years; this was someone else entirely, someone she didn't care to know.

Weighted down with bags and boxes, she staggered into the living room, where Sheldon was still just staring at the debris which they hadn't gotten around to cleaning up yet.

"It's the end of an era," he murmured, so quietly that Penny could barely hear him. Impulsively, she dropped her burden and pulled him close in a tight embrace. This time, he put his arms around her and returned the hug.

"It's gonna be okay, sweetie," she said. "We'll get through this together." They stood there, locked in each other's arms, for a long while, and Penny pretended that she didn't hear him sniffling or feel the wetness that rolled down his face and soaked her hair and shirt.

Their friends began to trickle in later that evening after work hours. Howard had delivered a very heartfelt apology to Sheldon, first over the phone, and then again when he came over to help clean up Sheldon's apartment. He said it was the least he could do to make it up to Sheldon. Howard had also been fired from Caltech, and Bernie had been furious when she first found out his involvement, especially when he confessed his part in helping Leonard retaliate against Cara Brinkmann. Howard had humbly admitted to his wife that since he had met her, he was inspired to become a better man, and that he would never again treat someone the way he did Sheldon. She forgave him, after making him swear never to keep secrets from her again.

Raj, Howard and Bernadette were all there that evening, gathering around Sheldon in a show of solidarity. They each expressed their shock and disgust at the destruction Leonard had caused. Amy had also wanted to help, but one of her addiction studies required that she monitor her test subjects every two hours. For the duration of the study, she was actually sleeping on a cot at her lab. Penny privately thought that Sheldon should take priority over Amy's work, but she didn't want to wound him further by saying so.

When Howard told him about Cara Brinkmann, Sheldon remembered her as a skinny little kid from a impoverished school system in the backwoods of Kentucky. He confessed to feeling baffled why a relative stranger would risk her career for someone she had only met once. Bernadette said what they were all thinking.

"You changed her life for the better, Sheldon. You helped her get out of her tiny provincial town... you can relate to that, right? She felt she owed you. I'm sure she still feels indebted to you, even now."

Sheldon just shook his head vaguely. He was still in shock over Leonard's actions and was dreading the changes he would be forced to make in his life. He was relieved to have retained both Howard and Raj as his friends, although he had never suspected they would turn out to both be a better friend to him than Leonard.

Raj was still employed at Caltech. After reviewing the evidence, Seibert and Gablehauser found nothing to link him directly to the sabotage of the Arctic experiment. So after some deliberation, they decided to retain him, although he was on probation. He was pathetically grateful that he didn't lose his work visa and have to return to India. He remembered how Sheldon had hired him a few years ago when he was in a similar situation, and he was ashamed all over again by his actions toward Sheldon in the Arctic. Sure, Sheldon was difficult to put up with sometimes, but when push came to shove, he was always a loyal friend. It was more than one could say about Leonard, Raj thought with revulsion as he looked around the trashed living room.

Of course, Penny knew that having Sheldon stay with her would create some conflict. Their first argument came up later that evening when it was Sheldon's bed time. He had assumed that he would take the bed, and she would sleep on the sofa. She was swift to disabuse him of that notion.

"Look, Sheldon, there's no way I'm taking the sofa, especially since we don't know how long it'll take for Leonard to move out. You can either sleep on the sofa, or share the bed with me." Her face softened. "I know you don't like to be touched, sweetie, but it's a big bed, and we're both adults. I can roll up a blanket and lay it down the middle of the bed so we're not touching at all."

He reluctantly agreed. He might have made more of a fuss, but the truth was that he was feeling shaken by Leonard's actions. After being friends for so many years, he still couldn't comprehend what would cause Leonard to turn on him like that.

Of course, Penny was wrong about the blanket. Oh, she had rolled it up and placed it in the center of the bed, but once she came to bed (usually waking Sheldon up in the process), she tossed and turned until the blankets were strewn all over. Apparently, she was also a cuddler. Sheldon would often wake up in the morning to find her head lying on his shoulder, or her arm draped across his stomach. He should have felt that she was encroaching on his personal space, but somehow when he reached inside his psyche to feel that particular phobia, there was nothing there. Her hair smelled like green apples and was almost as soft as a kitten's fur. Her skin was soft as well and smelled like vanilla. He started to associate those fragrances with a feeling of peace. When he talked to Amy and realized that she assumed Penny was sleeping on the couch, he was surprised to find he hadn't the slightest inclination to correct her.

Days passed with no sight of Leonard. Penny assumed that he was still staying at the apartment across the hallway, but she hadn't seen or heard from him. She was rather relieved that he hadn't tried to contact her again. Really, there was nothing else she wanted to discuss with him.

After the apartment had been cleaned up, Sheldon left a note taped to Leonard's bedroom door. It said that Leonard needed to move out by the end of the month. Sheldon had notified the landlord that he was breaking the sub-lease agreement that he'd had with his roommate. If Leonard complied, there would be no further legal action. But if he didn't move out, Sheldon would be forced to get a restraining order, putting a black mark on Leonard's permanent record.

The end of the month finally arrived, and Sheldon was relieved to find that Leonard had packed up his belongings and moved out. The landlord had agreed to have a locksmith re-key the door, after Sheldon had sent him several letters by certified mail threatening to sue for damages if he didn't comply. As he relocated his collectibles and comic book collection, he was mostly happy to be back in his home. He had really missed his 0,0,0,0 spot on the brown leather couch. Yet somehow, the apartment felt strangely empty in a way that had nothing to do with Leonard.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I've received comments from some readers saying they wished Leonard would pay for the damages, get punched by Sheldon, or even go to jail. Every story I write has a different flavor, a different way of interpreting the characters. In this one, Sheldon is not vengeful, and I think he has been deeply hurt and betrayed by Leonard. So that is the direction the story is taking for now. Also, sometimes a story has a mind of its own. I never planned for Leonard to trash the apartment, but it felt right as I realized how angry and indignant Leonard must have been feeling after he was fired. I have a basic idea of where the story is going, but sometimes I'm just along for the ride too. Thank you to everyone who has left a review so far. **

The next week, during their regularly scheduled Skyping session, Amy brought up the situation with Leonard.

"Sheldon, what's this I hear about you evicting Leonard from your apartment? I can't believe you'd do such a thing; he's your best friend."

"Amy, as you know, Leonard has not been himself of late. His wanton destruction of my cherished belongings caused an irreparable break in our friendship."

"Really, Sheldon, one mistake and you're ready to end your friendship? Come on, you know you need to forgive him sooner or later. Besides, I understand that most of what he destroyed were your superhero dolls. I say, good riddance to them. You didn't honestly think that I would ever want those things in my home, did you?"

"I am well aware that you do not care for many of my hobbies and interests, but as you have pointed out, it is not your home we are talking about, but mine."

"For now," Amy said, with a casual assurance that sent chills down his spine.

"For now?" he echoed. "Amy, what do you mean by that?"

"Well, our relationship may be progressing more slowly than I would like, but eventually, we will be moving in together. I had hoped to cure you of your childish obsession with comic books and trains by then. You are a genius, Sheldon. Your intellect is a gift to the world and should not be squandered on such infantile pursuits. Frankly, they're a waste of your time."

With a shock, Sheldon suddenly realized who Amy reminded him of in that moment: Ramona Nowitsky, the crazed undergrad student who had gradually insinuated herself into his life in the guise of being helpful. The only difference was that Nowitsky had wanted shared credit on one of his biggest breakthroughs. Amy wanted something far more insidious. She wanted control over the rest of his life. Quickly, he thought up an excuse to end the conversation and signed off. The revelation came as an unpleasant shock to him. Was Amy really that different from a crazed fan girl?

Since Sheldon had ended the conversation prematurely, he didn't hear the rest of what Amy had to tell him. She had offered Leonard a place to stay until he got back on his feet. After hearing his version of events, she concluded that all of his friends were ganging up on him and that Sheldon was being monstrously unfair to evict him. Everyone made mistakes, after all. In her mind, she compared Sheldon's refusal to forgive Leonard to his resistance to greater physical and emotional intimacy in their relationship. In both instances, she was determined to break down his boundaries. After all, it was for his own good, right?

Sheldon cell phone chimed, and he glanced down at the caller ID. It was Leonard. He hadn't heard from his former friend in over two weeks. Although he couldn't imagine what Leonard could possible say to undo the damage he had caused, the weight of ten years of friendship made Sheldon feel obligated to hear him out. He answered apprehensively.

"Hey, Sheldon. Look, I know we've had our differences," Leonard said without preamble.

Sheldon felt his stomach clench at the casual greeting. "That's an understatement if I ever heard one. You destroyed my action figures, my whiteboards, my Batman cookie jar..."

"Listen, Sheldon, I'm going to send you a picture, and I want you to take a good look at it."

"Why send me a picture? What do you have to communicate to me that you can't tell me over the phone?"

"A picture is worth a thousand words," Leonard replied cryptically and then hung up.

Sheldon stared at his phone. Leonard had not offered him an apology. He was beginning to doubt there was anything left of their friendship that was worth salvaging. Maybe Penny had been right all along. He frowned, but he couldn't imagine why Leonard would want to send him a picture. Then he brightened. Maybe he had gone out and replaced some of his action figures. Could that be the photo he was sending?

About ten minutes later, Sheldon's phone warbled. He flipped it open and stared at the image on the screen in front of him for two full seconds before the phone fell from his numb hands.

Penny entered apartment 4A, carrying bags of take-out.

"Okay, Sheldon, I double-checked your order. The broccoli is..." She broke off as she noticed Sheldon curled up on the couch, his arms tightly clamped around his torso.

"What's wrong, sweetie? Are you sick?" she cried, dumping the takeout on the coffee table and rushing to his side. He didn't say anything, which was even more worrisome. She felt his forehead and was relieved to find that he didn't have a fever. What on earth was wrong with him, though? The only other time she remembered Sheldon acting like this was... oh, no. It was when he found out that Leonard has sabotaged his North Pole experiment.

"It was Leonard, wasn't it?" she growled. "What did he do this time?" By this point, any remaining sympathy she might have had for her ex-boyfriend was swiftly evaporating. She was so tired of seeing Sheldon hurt by the man he thought was his best friend.

"He texted me," Sheldon said, his voice sounding muffled because his face was pressed against the couch cushions. Penny looked around and spotted Sheldon's cell phone lying on the floor. She picked it up and opened his most recent text message. It contained a short video clip. She couldn't tell from the freeze frame what the video was, so she hit the play button. Immediately, she heard a moaning noise, and then the camera angle swung up to reveal a topless Amy, with an all-too-familiar arm next to her.

"Leonard, put down the phone," Amy slurred.

Leonard's voice yelled, "Hey, Sheldon, guess what I'm doing to your girlfriend? I'm fu-"

Penny snapped the phone shut, feeling like she was going to throw up. She barely stopped herself from hurling the phone as hard as she could against the nearest hard surface.

"Oh my god, sweetie, that's awful! I can't believe he did that," she cried, horrified. She went to rub Sheldon's back, but he cringed away.

"Can I get you some hot cocoa?" He shook his head.

"You want me to sing you Soft Kitty?"

"I'm not sick."

"Well, if hurt and betrayed by your former best friend and your girlfriend all at once doesn't count as sick, I don't know what does."

He didn't answer, so Penny took that as assent and sang Sheldon's favorite song until her voice gave out. When she stopped, she peeked at his face and saw that he was asleep. She looked at his pale cheeks and drawn countenance, and ached for her friend. If she ever saw Leonard again, she thought grimly, she was going to break more than just his nose.


	10. Chapter 10

The next day, Penny texted Amy to find out what was really going on. Part of her was worried that Amy was in way over her head with Leonard. After all, she wasn't even sure if Amy knew about the video. The other part of her just wanted to go junior rodeo on Amy for hurting Sheldon.

_Penny: Ames, we have 2 talk._

_Amy: I'm busy with work._

_Penny: What, you dont have time 4 ur bestie?_

_Amy: All this time, I've said you're my best friend, but you've never said it back to me. _

Crap. Penny was stymied for a moment. It was true that she didn't think of Amy as her _best_ friend, but Amy had never seemed to mind before today. Finally, she texted back.

_Penny: I dont like 2 put labels on people. Plus, it's unfair 2 Bernie._

_Amy: Fine. There are some things I have to say to you anyway. When do you want to get together?_

They arranged to meet at a coffee shop near Amy's lab. Penny thought it would be best for both of them to stay away from alcohol for this meeting, although she found herself longing for a good stiff drink as she approached the pre-arranged venue.

Penny found Amy waiting for her when she arrived. She slid into the booth and smiled apprehensively at her friend.

"Hey, Ames. How's it going? How's work been?"

Amy gave her a level look. "I could attempt to explain my latest research project to you, but I doubt you would be able to comprehend the most basic of principles behind it. Besides, I know you. The minute Bernadette and I used to start to 'talk shop', your eyes would glaze over."

"Okay, well, I was just trying to be polite," Penny replied, stung. _So much for the small talk_, she thought.

"What do you want, Penny?" Amy said bluntly.

"Why don't you tell me what's going on between you and Leonard?" Penny rejoined.

For a split second, Amy looked startled, but she covered it up quickly. "That's none of your business. You dumped him in an extremely callous manner and physically assaulted him. Is that any way to treat someone who was always so nice to you?"

"You're right about one thing, Ames. I _did_ break up with him, and I don't want him back. But you also need to know that he's in a really bad place right now. I don't think you should be getting involved with him either." She paused and took a deep breath to steady her nerves. "Amy, Leonard sent Sheldon a video. Do you know which one I'm talking about?"

Two spots of color appeared high on Amy's cheeks. "That was... imprudent of him," she commented.

"Is that all you have to say?" Penny asked incredulously. "What about Sheldon? How do you think he felt when he found out you were cheating on him? And after everything that Leonard did to him!"

Surprisingly, Amy's countenance cleared. "I see," she said. "You are laboring under a misapprehension about my relationship with Leonard. We are just friends. I have no intention of forming an emotional bond with him. You may resume your romantic association with him if you prefer."

Penny's jaw dropped. "What are you talking about? You're _sleeping _with him!" she hissed.

"Yes, I believe the colloquial term is 'friends with benefits'. You're not a logical person, Penny, so I wouldn't expect you to understand how this solves my dilemma. Let me spell it out for you. Leonard is gratifying my sexual needs for as long as we both find our arrangement mutually beneficial. That frees Sheldon from feeling pressured to be physically intimate, while still providing me with companionship and intellectual stimulation."

"Amy, that's not any kind of solution. Leonard is _using_ you to get back at Sheldon, and I wouldn't get back together with him if he was the last man on earth. But don't you have any idea how much you hurt Sheldon's feelings? You can't possibly think he would go along with this."

"That is exactly what I expect," Amy said with a mulish expression on her face. "Sheldon is the one who drew up our relationship contract. If he neglected to add an infidelity clause, then he can suffer the consequences."

"You're the one who manipulated Sheldon into this whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing to begin with! He just wanted to be friends. Amy, sleeping with Leonard shows that you don't really care about Sheldon's feelings. Why would you continue to date him?"

"He is the most intelligent man I have ever met. Our progeny will be brilliant, possibly even the start of a new race of _Homo novus_."

Penny waited for a beat. When Amy didn't add anything more, she asked incredulously, "That's it? You're just hanging on to him for his DNA? And yes, I know what DNA is. Amy, that's cold. Come one, I know you used to have feelings for him."

"And I still do, which is why I have no intention of severing our contract. This conversation is pointless and unproductive. I'm leaving now." Amy picked up her purse and rose to leave.

"And just what do you expect me to say to Sheldon?" Penny ground out.

Amy stared down at her. "I don't expect you to say anything to him. Our relationship is really none of your business, Penny. But if you feel you must 'say something' to him, tell him I expect to see him on Thursday for our regularly scheduled date night, according to his contractual obligations."

With that parting salvo, Amy clumped away in her orthotic shoes. Penny groaned and dropped her head into her hands. She had hoped to talk some sense into Amy, but it seemed she was too firmly under Leonard's thumb-or just under Leonard, eww-to listen to her former bestie.

When Penny entered Sheldon's apartment that evening, she found him sitting in his favorite spot on the couch. A thick sheaf of papers was balanced on his lap.

"How are you holding up, sweetie?" she asked in a low voice.

"I've been reviewing every line of the relationship contract. I can't believe that I neglected to include a clause pertaining to infidelity."

"Don't beat yourself up about it," she said, sitting down next to him. "It was your first relationship, and the thing is, no one ever expects that it will end badly. Although, I have to admit, yours ended even worse than the usual."

Sheldon met her gaze, his blue eyes open wide. "That's the problem, Penny. The relationship contract is still valid."

"That's what Amy said, too. I don't get it. Even if you didn't include a clause for cheating, you don't _want _to go out with her any more, right?"

"It's not that simple. Amy insisted on renegotiating the contract after I wished to alter the paradigm of our relationship. In order to sever our association, either both parties have to mutually agree to the dissolution, or the issue at hand may be arbitrated by a previously approved third party."

"So you can't just change you mind? There's no provision for that?" Penny asked, secretly very proud of her vocabulary choice. Hey, she watched more than just Project Runway and Jersey Shore. Sometimes she watched crime dramas too, especially if they happened to star Nathan Fillion.

"Homo novus

is not swayed by petty emotions. If our relationship is to end, there needs to be a sound, logical reason for it."

She sighed. "Sweetie, you have to face it. Your friends really hurt your feelings. It's okay to admit that. Everyone has feelings, even a _Homo novus_."

"Now you're just patronizing me", he said sullenly.

"Sheldon, you can't possibly be thinking of keeping your end of that contract. Amy's _cheating_ on you, with your former best friend. She couldn't have picked a better way to try to hurt you."

He stared back at her, uncharacteristically silent.

Penny could feel her frustration levels reaching critical mass. "Fine!" she snarled. "I'll be your third party."

She picked up the relationship agreement and tore it in half. Well, that was her intention, anyway. The stack of papers was so thick that she had to rip the pages in sections. Finally, she dropped the fragments on the floor. When she was done, she looked up to see Sheldon gaping at her in astonishment.

"You... you can't do that," he protested weakly.

"Sheldon, your damn contracts are ruining your life!"

He stared at her, looking like a lost child, then turned and ran back into his room. She heard the door slam. Cursing her impatience, she followed him and banged on his door.

"Sheldon, I'm sorry I yelled. I'm not mad at you; I'm mad at this situation. Come on, open up!"

Finally, his voice drifted through the door. "Penny, I need time to assess my situation. I will consider what you have said." A pause, then he said in a softer tone, "I'm not angry with you either. I just need some space."

"Okay, sweetie. Good night," she called, feeling relieved.

"Good night, Penny," he replied.


	11. Chapter 11

The next day, Penny was getting ready for a lunch shift at the Cheesecake Factory. As she was pulling her yellow vest over her head, her cell phone rang. It was Raj.

"Penny, I need your help. I've never seen Sheldon acting so weird, and I've seen a lot of weird from him over the years," Raj said.

"Oh, no. What's he done this time?" she groaned.

"Nothing, that's the point. He's been staring at his whiteboard all morning, but he hasn't picked up the marker once. It's spooky."

"Look, Raj, don't say anything to him, but he and Amy are, um... well, I can't really talk about it. Let's just say it's pretty awful."

"Oh, that's too bad. Did she dump him?" Raj asked in an entirely too-cheerful voice.

"No, she just... I don't know what's going on between them," she prevaricated. "Just be nice to him, okay? Buy him some ice cream or something at lunch."

Raj's tone turned serious. "Trust me, Penny. I am well aware that the only reason I am still employed is because of Sheldon Cooper. I'll do whatever I can."

"Thanks, Raj," Penny said. She bid him good bye and hung up.

Penny looked at the torn pages of the relationship agreement lying on her kitchen counter. It had felt wrong to her to leave them at Sheldon's apartment. She sighed heavily. This whole situation kept spiraling out of control, causing more damage as it went. If only there was some way she could make Sheldon feel better.

As she moved to toss the papers in the trash, a phrase caught her eye. The wheels in her head started turning. She quickly powered up her laptop. After a few minutes, she felt she had a winner of an idea. It was pretty far away, but she knew Sheldon didn't mind road trips if it was for a good cause, like a Star Trek convention. She was pretty sure _this _would qualify in his mind as a good cause.

She made the reservations and got a friend at work to cover her waitressing shifts that weekend, feeling a twinge of regret as she did so. This trip was not only costing her hundreds of dollars, but she was also losing two weekend shifts, when tips tended to be higher. Well, it was worth it, she told herself firmly as she made the reservations. Checking the time, she decided there was enough time to sneak into Sheldon's apartment and pack a bag without him knowing. He might fuss when he found out she had gone into his room without permission. She almost hoped he would argue; anything was better than that hollow, devastated look.

Penny threw the bags in the back seat of her car and drove to Caltech. She had already texted Raj to let him know that she was "kidnapping" Sheldon for the weekend. She made her way through the maze of hallways until she came to the office that the two scientists shared. She knocked on the door and went in. Raj caught her eye, mouthed "good luck", and exited silently. Sheldon was exactly as Raj had described, staring at a blank whiteboard.

"Hey, Sheldon," she said gently.

"Hello, Penny," he replied automatically, but he didn't take his eyes from the whiteboard. His voice was even more emotionless that usual.

"I have a surprise for you," she said, plopping down on his desk.

"I hate surprises," he answered in a vehement tone, still not looking at her.

Oh, right, she thought, _that last "surprise" that Leonard sprung on him was a doozy._

"Well, you're going to like this one," she said aloud. "It has to do with trains."

He turned to face her. "I do like trains," he said, almost wistfully.

"Great! Let's go, then," she said cheerfully, jumping up.

"Now? We're going _now_?"

"Wouldn't want to miss your train, would you, sweetie?" she asked with a mischievous grin.

"But... but where are we going? I'm not ready! What should I bring?" he asked in a panic.

"Oh, don't worry. I've taken care of everything." She opened the office door with a flourish to show him two bags, his black duffel bag and her Hello Kitty carry-on suitcase, sitting out in the hallway.

"Are we staying somewhere overnight?" he cried. "I need my Friday night pajamas-"

"Got 'em."

"-and my toothbrush and toothpaste-"

"Already packed, in a clean plastic baggie."

"Socks and underwear?" he asked suspiciously.

She nodded, turning a little pink under his scrutiny.

"Did you pack-"

"Sheldon, if I forgot anything, I'll buy you a replacement, but if we don't leave now, we'll miss our train."

He hesitated for several seconds more in an agony of indecision, then finally nodded once, a sharp, resolute gesture. He grabbed his Members Only jacket and strode out the door.

Sheldon sat in the passenger seat of Penny's car, silently staring out the window. Other than mentioning that her "check engine" light was on (_again_), he hardly spoke at all as Penny drove them up to Bakersfield. She hadn't told him the rest of her plan yet, and he hadn't asked. But if two tickets to the Great Train Expo in Santa Rosa didn't make him smile, she might have to go with plan B, which involved a lot of yelling, and maybe some Junior Rodeo moves.

When they reached the Amtrak station, Sheldon seemed to perk up a little. They boarded the train, and he began poking around, examining every room and compartment, and regaling Penny with "fun facts" about trains. She would have been bored stiff if it weren't for the fact that he was finally acting like his old self again, in all his obnoxious pedantic glory. She grinned to herself. Since when had she started to actually _like_ it when he was being annoying? Sure, she had always been fond of him, but the recent havoc that Leonard had caused in both their lives made her feel closer to him. She wished she could have protected him from this pain. At the same time, she also wanted him to man up and face his problems.

They sat in the dining car and ordered root beer floats. Penny was actually enjoying the train ride at this point. She took the tickets out of her purse and slid them across the counter. He gasped, and then suddenly, Penny was engulfed in a lanky, awkward hug. She giggled and hugged him back. "You're welcome, sweetie," she whispered.

When they reached the convention center, Penny immediately became aware of a problem. Years of hanging out with "her" guys and visiting Stuart's comic book store had inured her to geeky behavior. Now, as they stood in line waiting to register for the convention, she felt the prickling feeling of being stared at. Looking around, she saw she was the only woman in line. When they finally stepped up to the registration tables, the overweight man with thick glasses hardly took his eyes from her chest the entire time he was checking them in.

As they walked away from the table, Sheldon was carefully adjusting his lanyard so it hung perfectly straight. Penny yanked on his arm and pulled him, fussing and squawking, into a dim corridor that contained an out-of-order ATM.

"Shut up and listen, Sheldon," she hissed. "Look, I brought you to this model train convention. I rode a train here, which turned a two-hour trip into a four-hour trip. And now, I am going to spend all day looking at little model trains with you, so I need you to do something for me."

"All right," he said uncertainly.

"So, no offense, but most of these guys look like they live in their mom's basement. It's probably been months since some of them have even seen an actual woman besides their mother. Do you see what I'm getting at here?"

He blinked at her. "Not at all. Penny, the tradition of model trains dates back to..."

"I don't care about that, Sheldon!" she snapped, and then she relented. He truly had no idea why she was so uncomfortable. She sighed. "Look, I can deal with the fact that they're going to be staring at my boobs or my ass all day, but I think you owe it to me to keep them from hitting on me."

Sheldon frowned. To her shock, his gaze drifted down to the curve of her breasts under her form-fitting t-shirt. She felt her cheeks growing warm under his perusal. Then he circled around and subjected her backside to the same intense scrutiny.

He came back around to stand in front of her and said, "You may have a valid point. What action do you expect me to perform to protect you from the unwanted attentions of these scurrilous ruffians?"

She stared at him in surprise, and, oh dear Lord, there was an unholy gleam in his eyes. Somehow, he was picturing himself as Luke Skywalker, or Captain America, or some other hero out to rescue the damsel in distress. She sighed. The way he was looking at her right now was kind of hot (_Sheldon... hot? I did _not_ just think that_, some part of her brain protested), but she knew he wasn't going to like her solution.

"I want you to hold my hand."

That did the trick. His eyes snapped back up to hers, and he yelped, "What?"

"Or let me link my arm through yours, or even put your arm around me if you can manage it. If the guys at this convention think I'm your girlfriend, most of them won't have the nerve to come hit on me."

He stared at her outstretched hand as if it were a venomous serpent.

Penny suddenly started rooting through her purse. "I thought I had... aha!" She held up a tiny bottle of hand sanitizer, and then poured a dollop on her hands and rubbed it around.

"Want some, sweetie?"

"Yes, thank you. That is... surprisingly considerate of you."

After he had applied the hand sanitizer too, she extended her arm and wiggled her fingers expectantly, a challenging smirk on her face. He stared at it for a long moment before taking her hand in his.

"There! That's not too bad, is it?" she asked cheerfully.

"I suppose not," he conceded ungraciously.

Her other hand snaked out and dug into his side, causing him to jump and shriek. She grinned at him unrepentantly. "Come on, Moonpie. Let's go see some trains."

He smiled back at her, and for a moment, she was transfixed by the open joy on his face. That was what she had been missing, what made this whole trip worthwhile. He held out his arm to her, crooked at the elbow. With a radiant smile, she placed her hand on his arm, and the two of them went to view the model trains.


	12. Chapter 12

Sheldon Cooper was not well-versed in social protocol, but even he noticed the unusual amount of attention Penny's presence attracted. He was the recipient of numerous stares as well, although those ranged from incredulous to envious. Many of his fellow train enthusiasts did a double take to see them walking arm in arm. When that happened, Sheldon noticed that Penny would ask him a question, or stand just a little bit closer. At supper time, when he was no longer distracted by all the miniaturized displays, he asked her about her behavior.

"Ignore them. They're just jealous, sweetie. They're comparing themselves to you in their heads, and thinking I could do better. I hate it when people do that. They don't know either of us. I can't stand it when people judge others based solely on their looks. If I had judged you and L- I mean, if I had judged you only by the way you looked, we may never have become friends. Instead, I decided to get to know you, and in doing so, I met one of my closest friends."

"Penny, I consider you to be my best friend now." He wondered if this had actually been true for far longer than he realized.

She beamed at him. "Aww... that's so sweet. If you were any other guy, I would hug you." Seeing the panicked look on his face, she rolled her eyes. "Don't worry; I wouldn't violate your personal space like that. I know you hate being touched. You're actually handling this whole fake boyfriend thing remarkably well."

"I don't... I don't mind that much," he said quietly.

"Really?" she said, shocked.

"It's different with you. I think... I think I have established a level of trust with you that I never achieved with Amy."

She sighed. "I really don't wanna talk about either of our exes. But thanks, sweetie. That means a lot to me to know how much you trust me. I promise you, I'll try my best to never betray that trust."

Sheldon nodded and stood up from the booth. With a slight smile, he extended his hand to Penny. Her eyes watered, and she blinked rapidly for a moment before placing her hand in his.

Throughout the rest of the day, Sheldon ignored the stares from the crowd. He found he was enjoying the train expo much more with Penny by his side than he would have alone. Amy had taken him on a train ride, he remembered. He tried to ignore the twisting in his stomach every time he thought about her, or Leonard. He pushed those unwanted feelings aside in order to analyze his reaction to Penny. She was aesthetically appealing, of course, not that his friendship with her had ever been influenced by her physical appearance. How was being here with Penny different than doing something similar with Amy?

He realized that Amy had always made him nervous. She'd had a way of looking at him that made him feel like a specimen about to be dissected, or maybe it was like the way a cat looks at a mouse. It was both calculating and rapacious at the same time. With Penny, there was an acceptance, a generosity, that he had only ever experienced with the female members of his family. He realized, with a start, that it probably didn't matter to Penny whether he ever won a Nobel Prize, except that she would be disappointed on his behalf if he didn't.

When they got to their hotel, Penny had an unwelcome surprise for him.

"Okay, sweetie, you know how there's a model train convention in town? Lots of single guys traveling from all over? Well, this was just a last minute thing, so when I called to make reservations, they didn't have any rooms with separate beds left. We're sharing a queen."

He faced her, several things flashing through his mind at once: his mysophobia, the odd complacency he'd felt that day holding Penny's hand, Amy suggesting with gleaming eyes that he sleep over. There must be some alternative to sharing sleeping arrangements with this bewitching-confusing, he corrected mentally-woman.

"Did you inquire about a cot?" he asked.

"Yeah, I did, but they're all spoken for. Unless you think you can curl up in a crib," she added with a mischievous grin.

"No," he said with a shudder, reminded of the poem about the Tall Man from Cornwall. "I would much rather share a bed with you."

She gave him a strange look that he couldn't decipher. He waited in the car while she checked them in to the hotel. In a few minutes, she returned with the room key and drove around to the back of the building where their room was located. The thought of bed bugs compelled him to insist that she leave their luggage in the car until he had thoroughly inspected the room. Although it smelled faintly of cigarette smoke and the carpet was a lurid crimson, everything appeared to be an acceptable level of cleanliness.

Gazing around the room, he briefly considered, and swiftly rejected, the idea of sleeping on a pallet on the floor. Sure, the carpet might be vacuumed on a regular basis (one could only hope), but the idea of sleeping where so many filthy shoes had trod gave him the "heebie-jeebies", as his mother would say. Nor could he bring himself to ask Penny to sleep on the floor. She had been so kind to him, bringing him to a model train convention in which she had no interest. In fact, she had spent six hours looking at the exhibits without a word of complaint.

Mindful of his manners, he helped Penny bring in their luggage from the rental car. He was surprised when the first thing Penny pulled out of her pink suitcase was a set of bedding.

"Penny, those appear to be your sheets, are they not?"

"Yeah, sweetie, I knew you wouldn't like sleeping in an unfamiliar bed. I hoped bringing my own sheets would make you feel a little more comfortable. And they're clean, too," she added. "I just washed them a few days ago."

He stared at the sheets in her hands for a few moments before he suddenly turned his back to her. His vision blurred for a moment as he was overwhelmed by a feeling that was something like... gratitude, perhaps. He'd never been very good at interpreting his own feelings. Penny's thoughtfulness made him feel warm inside. She was always so considerate of his quirks. She put up with him when she wasn't his roommate or his girlfriend. In fact, she was the only one who was ever selflessly kind to him, without it benefitting her in any way.

"Thank you, Penny," he said in a low voice. "Thank you for everything."

The word 'girlfriend' caused a low heat start to uncurl in the pit of his stomach. _Good heavens, have I contracted some intestinal ailment_, he wondered in alarm. He changed into his Friday pajamas and performed his nightly ablutions while she put the sheets on the bed. He hoped she wasn't aware that he was drawing the process out as much as possible. He was feeling jittery, even though he hadn't had any caffeinated beverage that day.

While she took her turn in the bathroom, he channel-surfed until he found an old Godzilla movie. He had seen it before, and the familiarity calmed him. He settled down happily in the bed to watch it, and in a few minutes, Penny slid under the covers to join him. He cast a startled glance at her as her foot brushed his flannel-clad shin.

"Penny, we do not have a blanket serving as a divider down the middle of the bed."

She groaned. "So get up and find one. I'm not moving; I'm tired. You try spending six hours walking around looking at model train sets."

"That is exactly what I did today, and I found it thoroughly delightful," he retorted, trying to hide his anxiety behind a sharp reply. He got up and started searching for an extra blanket. The closet was bare of anything but a couple of wire hangers. He crossed the room and started opening the dresser drawers. Penny sighed and pulled the blanket over her head. It soon became clear that the room didn't contain any extra bedding. He was about to complain to Penny when he noticed that she was already asleep.

Instead, he dialed the front desk, and was annoyed to get a busy signal. He decided to watch the movie for a while and try again later. Unfortunately, he was so engrossed in watching Godzilla raze Tokyo that he forgot about calling the front desk until the movie ended. By that time, it was after ten p.m., and he got a recording saying the front desk would re-open at six the next morning. He stared at the phone receiver in disgust, shaking his head at such gross incompetence. Finally, he decided that there was nothing for it but to try to sleep without his sanity-preserving divider. He lay straight on the bed, limbs aligned at precise angles, and tried to ignore Penny's soft breathing and the scent of her hair.

Sheldon awoke at his accustomed time of six a.m., only to discover that something was shockingly amiss. He was actually curled around Penny, spooning her, with one hand resting on her waist and the other trapped beneath her. As he tried to extricate himself, she shifted in her sleep, bringing her bottom in direct contact with his groin. He froze, uncertain how to proceed, as he felt a stirring below his waist.

He tried to pull his arm out from under her body (how in Hades had it ended up there?) when he became aware of the fact that his hand was directly underneath her breast. Mesmerized, he moved his fingers against her lush figure in a reflexive movement. She made a little purring sound of approval and nestled closer. Sheldon was paralyzed with shock and indecision. He couldn't help the thought that only a few layers of clothing separated their bodies. His body responded with a twinge of pure lust at the prospect, and his fingers moved instinctively once more. Another sensual purr from Penny, and he could feel himself getting harder.

This was too much for Sheldon, and he panicked. Yanking his hand out from under her body, he leaped out of the bed and dashed for the safety of the bathroom.

At the sudden movement, Penny woke with a start. "What was that all about?" she mumbled sleepily. Since no one was there to answer her, she rolled over and went back to sleep, unaware that Sheldon took an extra-long shower that morning.

After his shower, Sheldon felt a little calmer, but he was still shaken by his unexpected physical reaction to Penny. Telling himself that discretion was the better part of valor, he left her a note, and headed down to the breakfast buffet. Some high-fiber cereal and hot tea helped to restore some semblance of order. He picked up a newspaper someone had left behind, but found himself unable to concentrate on the articles. His mind kept returning to Penny. Those few moments when he had been touching her, however inadvertently it had started, were seared in his memory.

He started when he heard Penny's voice calling his name. Glancing at his watch, he realized that he had been staring unseeing at the newspaper for almost two hours. He made some remark about packing up his things and fled the room before she could ask him about his odd behavior.

It only took Sheldon a few minutes to gather up his belongings. The rest of the time he spent in silent meditation, running through his Vulcan _kolinahr_ rituals in an attempt to calm his racing thoughts. By the time Penny returned to the room, he was feeling almost back to his usual self.

Apparently, he hadn't been completely successful. Perhaps he had been too silent as Penny gathered her belongings. Once they were in the car, she turned to him with a puzzled look on her face.

"Sheldon, is something wrong?" she asked.

"Wrong? No, nothing is wrong, nothing at all. Why would you say that?" he replied quickly.

She gave him a dubious look. "You're a terrible liar, Sheldon. I can see your face twitching like mad. Is it..." She hesitated, unwilling to bring the specter of Amy and Leonard's cruelty into Sheldon's perfect weekend.

"You know what? Never mind," she said, as she turned in to the convention center parking lot. "Let's just go have a good day."


	13. Chapter 13

Something was definitely up with Sheldon. Penny wasn't sure what it was, but he kept staring at her every time he thought she wasn't looking. Whenever she turned her head, he would whip around in another direction as if he hadn't been staring. It was getting on her nerves. She'd even asked him if he wanted to wander around the train expo by himself, but he'd said no. That morning, he had been weirdly quiet, although when they reached the convention center, he had reached for her hand as if it was perfectly normal to do so.

She actually preferred holding his arm. There was something about it that made her feel protected and safe. If it came right down to it, she could probably defend herself better than any man of her acquaintance at the moment, but being by Sheldon's side made her feel as if he cared about her. Every time she took Leonard's arm, he had strutted around, showing her off like a prize-winning heifer at a county fair. She wasn't sure what the difference was. Maybe it was simply Sheldon's utter disregard to the way she looked. He noticed every little detail about her; he'd even commented when she switched shampoo brands, although Leonard hadn't. Once, he had called her aesthetically pleasing, so she knew he was aware that she was pretty, but he didn't treat her differently because of the way she looked. At first, she hadn't liked it. She was so used to being able to charm almost every man she met that Sheldon had seemed like nothing more than a huge wet blanket. However, as time went on, she began to appreciate his attitude. Every time he helped her or complemented her, it was motivated by true friendship, rather than him trying to get into her pants. She was more than just a pretty face to him. As she grew older and had a harder time passing as a twenty-one-year-old, she began to like the way he treated her more and more.

The rest of the day went by in a blur of little trains and miniature sets. She listened to Sheldon enthuse about various aspects of the trains over lunch, but she couldn't have repeated anything he said. She was just happy that he was happy, if only for a little while. After lunch, they hit the dealer room, where Sheldon carefully selected a few purchases. She was surprised that he didn't buy a lot more, but then thinking back, she couldn't remember seeing any trains on display in his apartment.

Soon, they were on the commercial train, heading back home. Sheldon seemed to have finally run out of locomotive things to say, and there was a long pause in the conversation. When he spoke again, his voice was soft and hesitant.

"Penny, I was wondering about something."

"Yeah?"

"Well, Amy once told me that you were a bully in high school," he said tentatively.

She groaned. "Really, Sheldon? I spring for an entire weekend full of trains, just for you, and now you're calling me a bully?"

"It's pertinent, I assure you," he said.

"All right," she answered after a gusty sigh. "Well, I think everyone does things in high school they aren't proud of. I never meant to hurt anyone's feelings, but I guess I never really thought about how my actions affected other people."

"Somehow, you changed," he mused aloud. "In those few short years between high school and moving across the hall from us, you managed to develop a compassion that has eluded me for my entire life. Mostly, of course, because I saw no practical value in it," he added with a slight quirk of his lips.

"Why are you asking me about this, sweetie?" she said, turning so she could look into his eyes. This was important to him, she could tell. She just didn't know why.

"Is Leonard being a bully?" he asked in a voice barely above a whisper.

"At this point? Hell, yes."

"My father taught me how to deal with bullies, but I never actually implemented his ideas. I entered high school when I was ten, so the teachers kept an eye out for me. In college, I just ignored the other students as much as possible."

She reached out and covered his hand with hers. "Sheldon, from what I know about your dad, I'm guessing he taught you how to throw a punch, right?"

He nodded. He could remember that day so clearly, his torn book bag, the tears he tried to hide. When his father clapped a heavy hand on his shoulder, he wasn't sure what to expect. His father had led him down to the basement where George Jr. kept his workout equipment. Sheldon's dad had been unusually patient with him that day, guiding his skinny limbs into the proper form to throw a good right hook, showing him how to put his weight behind it.

Sheldon came out of his reverie and noticed that he was now clutching Penny's hand as if it were a lifeline. "Penny, when we get back to Pasadena, will you take me by Amy's apartment?" he asked.

She smiled gently, guessing his intentions. "You're doing the right thing, Sheldon. It's time to face your fears. Leonard is a bully, and I don't think he'll stop tormenting you until you take action. When we get there, I'll wait for you in the car. You need to deal with Leonard by yourself. I know you can do it."

The way she expressed confidence in him had an amazing effect. He suddenly felt like a superhero, able to leap tall buildings with a single bound. Able to fell bullies with one blow. He straightened his shoulders and looked at Penny with new appreciation. Somehow, she had known exactly the right thing to say. He wanted to thank her, to let her know how much her confidence in him meant, but words failed him, and all he could do was squeeze her hand and smile at her.

Penny pulled her car to a stop in front of the brick three-story building. "We're here, Sheldon," she announced.

He nodded. His mouth was suddenly dry, and his hands were trembling. This was just like giving a speech, he realized with a flash of insight. The best way to deal with his dread was to feign a confidence he didn't feel... that, and get it over with as quickly as possible. He put his hand to the door latch, but as he turned to get out, Penny said his name. He looked back to her, and she leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"For luck," she said with a wink. "And yes, I am quoting Star Wars."

There was nothing he could have done to stop what happened next. As if of its own volition, his hand came up and caressed her face. Her eyes widened at the intimacy of the gesture. Before she could respond, he jerked his hand away and left. Facing Leonard suddenly didn't seem as scary as he had thought just a few moments before.

Sheldon stood in front of Amy's door and rapped on it sharply. He didn't call her name or knock three times like he usually did. He reasoned that if Leonard knew it was him at the door, he might hide or try to escape. This way, he had the element of surprise on his side.

Amy opened the door, looking shocked. "Sheldon! What are you doing here?" she asked.

"I need to speak to Leonard; where is he?" he asked. He shouldered past Amy and looked around her apartment.

At that moment, Leonard emerged from Amy's bedroom, wearing his tatty old robe. An insufferably smug expression crossed his face when he saw Sheldon.

"If you're looking for a little action, you'll have to get in line," he taunted.

In three long strides, Sheldon crossed the room. His arm shot out, straight and true, with his weight behind his fist just as his dad had taught him. Leonard screamed, a high-pitched sound like a stuck pig, and crumpled to the ground.

"That's for betraying me," Sheldon growled in a voice he hardly recognized. When Leonard rose unsteadily, he punched him again, ignoring the stinging pain in his knuckles. With immense satisfaction, he heard something crunch on impact. "And that is for treating Amy like a whore," he said. He spun around on his heel, leaving Leonard whimpering on the floor behind him.

"Sheldon!" Amy cried in a pleading tone. She rushed up to him and grabbed his arm. He whirled back to her so suddenly that she took a quick step backward, stumbled and almost fell. She gasped at his fierce expression, blazing blue eyes and lips peeled back from his teeth in a caricature of a grin. He shook her hand from his arm, and his other hand, the one with the bloody knuckles, twitched.

"Boys don't hit girls," he said, looking at her in utter loathing. "But your part in this was even worse than what Leonard did, because you claimed you had feelings for me."

"I do care about you, Sheldon," she said, a hint of anger in her voice now. "Why should you care that I was getting what I needed from someone else, if you weren't willing to meet my needs?"

"First of all, don't confuse lust with need," he growled. "Second, you violated our relationship agreement in spirit, if not in actuality. You were my girlfriend; it was understood that you wouldn't have sex with someone else while we were dating."

"What do you mean, 'were'?" she demanded in an ugly tone. "You can't go back on your word; you signed a contract, and you have to stick to it. I know you, Sheldon. It would drive you mad to break one of your contracts."

He couldn't believe that he had ever had fond thoughts for this repugnant woman. "Given the alternative, I'll just have to risk it," he replied furiously. "I don't ever want to see you again." With that, he turned his back on her and stormed off down the hallway, ignoring her shrill cries as she yelled his name over and over again.

His black mood was beginning to lift by the time he got back to Penny's car.

"Are you okay? How did it go?" she asked anxiously, glancing at his injured hand.

He looked over at her, and the last shreds of his temper dissolved. He couldn't begin to describe the swell of gratitude and longing that rose up inside of him. She hadn't asked about Amy or Leonard; all she was concerned about was his own well-being. In a move that surprised him almost as much as it did Penny, he suddenly leaned over and pressed his lips to hers. For a moment, she froze in shock. It became clear to her that he had no idea what he should do when kissing a girl. So she kissed him back, moving her lips by the slightest degree to show him what to do. She felt him begin to respond before he abruptly drew back, staring at her wide-eyed.

She laughed delightedly. "Holy crap, Sheldon, you should get your groove back more often. I like this side of you."

Sheldon's mind was racing. He hadn't meant to kiss her; it just happened. The fact that she had reciprocated was a variable that he couldn't begin to calculate. He had never felt so powerful, so masculine. It was almost more of a heady rush than the moment he thought he had proved string theory. He couldn't stop the next adrenaline-fueled words that came tumbling out of his mouth.

"Penny, I should drive."

She laughed again. "Not a snowball's chance in a CAT scanner, sweetie," she said, with a huge grin to take the sting out of her words.

Just like that, the moment was gone. He was back to being Sheldon Cooper, PhD, instead of Sheldon Cooper, alpha male. He swallowed hard, wondering if the strong feelings he had felt for her were merely a by-product of all the fight-or-flight hormones that were flooding his body after pummeling that troll, Leonard. He remained silent, lost in thought, as Penny drove him home.


End file.
